she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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