im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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