Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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