It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
