Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
