WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
