If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
