Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
