Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
