areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
