Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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