dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
