i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
