Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry about my life...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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