The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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