they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
