You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
