I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
