Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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