i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
