Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
