just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
