just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
