Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
