3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No subtext here. People are naked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
