Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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