you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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