If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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