I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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