OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
