I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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