I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
