In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
