i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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