Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
