The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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