I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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