Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
