After last night, I could never be a politician.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
