lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My life is pants optional.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
