..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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