better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize