somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
