At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
