This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
