I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
