Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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