I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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