i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
