Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
