I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
