No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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