i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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