i was born a porn star she said
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize