I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
