Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we're making bets on your personal life
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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