This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
