Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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