Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
