I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
