the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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