What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My vagina is very pro this idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
