i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
