i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
