You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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