I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
