I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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