in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
