exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
