your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
